Insecurities
by Ren Seragaki
Summary: They both hid something from others. They really did not expect to find comfort in each other; especially when these two were Koujaku and Clear. (Post Mink's GE)


_Why do I only feel like writing during my school days? Sigh... Sorry for my 2 month absence. I've been severely distracted by osu! and MapleStory. :3 *smacked*  
Anyways, I hope you guys like this crack pairing or whatever...  
_

_Disclaimer: I do not own DRAMAtical Murder and it's characters as they belong to Nitro+CHiRAL. I also do not own the cover picture. I merely found it on tumblr._

_Putting that aside, enjoy!~_

* * *

It seemed strange to him now. Even when he knew Aoba was somewhere he could not reach, he still had the habit of calling out to him when entering the Seragaki household.

Koujaku stood at the entryway, taking off his sandals and closing the door behind him. He was about to call out to Aoba until he remembered that his childhood friend was somewhere in a foreign land, enjoying his time with the leader of Scratch. A sad smile graced his lips upon remembering that Aoba's heart would be too far for him to grasp.

He had come to terms that he might possibly be in love with Aoba but his heart broke like glass when the younger told him that he was going to find Mink. He wanted to confess at that very moment and somehow convince Aoba not to go but he was afraid. What if their friendship would be torn to pieces if he spoke his mind? He would hate himself even more if he were to make Aoba sad by voicing out his true feelings. Due to all of that, Koujaku put his façade back on, bumping his fist with Aoba's while wishing him good luck in his search.

After about a year, he eventually came to terms that if he knew that Aoba was happy and safe wherever he was at the moment, it was all it took to calm the burn on his back. However, old habits die hard.

The hair-stylist turned on the lights in the house while making his way up to Aoba's room. From how quiet it was, he could guess that Tae was currently not at home.

Once Koujaku was in his childhood friend's room, he made his way to the veranda, not forgetting to take the ashtray with him. He chuckled as he remembered every single time he forgot that ashtray and Aoba had to get it for him.

The veranda at Aoba's room would truly be the only place he would let his façade drop, even without the owner around. He had left Beni in sleep mode in his sleeve, wanting to have as much peace and quiet as possible. It was not that he did not think that his Allmate could keep quiet but he would rather feel like he was really alone for the moment.

Koujaku took out a cigar and a lighter from his other sleeve, lighting the cigar and placing it between his lips. There was not much to look at from where he was, due to other buildings blocking any sort of view. He liked it here because it was very unlikely for anyone who knew him to find him there, other than Aoba. It was also strange but he also liked it here due to this being a part of Aoba's room. His blue-haired friend's presence always managed to calm in some odd ways.

After a few puffs, he no longer felt like smoking, placing the cigar in the ashtray by his feet. He picked it up about to go back into the room until he started to hear something out of the blue.

'This sound… Is someone singing?' Koujaku wondered, placing the ashtray back onto the floor and proceeded to lean over the railing.

Strangely, he found himself no longer caring where the melodic voice was coming from, being lulled into a dreamlike state. He felt himself no longer pay any attention to everything else around him except the song.

This person's singing… It sounded so wonderful that it reminded him of how Aoba's presence would calm him.

Sadly for him, the song ended. However, he let out a blissful sigh, glad that he lived long enough to hear such a beautiful voice.

"That was beautiful…" Koujaku voiced aloud unintentionally.

"Do you really think so?" and energetic voice piqued beside him, causing him to jump back in surprise.

What made him even more surprised was when he landed flat on his back. Perhaps he had forgotten to close the door to the veranda once he heard the song. After blinking a few times from the pain, Koujaku almost let out an unmanly shriek when he saw a gas mask hovering above his face, upside-down. He immediately made to get up but ended up bumping his forehead onto Mr Gas Mask's. Koujaku landed back on the floor holding the pained area. Mr Gas Mask was no longer above him and guessing from the moans of pain he heard behind him, the other must be doing the same as him.

As if a switch was flipped, he suddenly remembered that there was only one person in the Old Resident District who wore a gas mask; Clear.

"Ugh… Clear, what were you doing?" the taller male asked groggily, still recovering from the pain.

Almost like he never got hurt in the first place, Clear answered back cheerfully, "Oh, I was singing on the roof!"

Koujaku had to blink a few more times before sitting upright, turning around to face Clear. He thought that his eyes were playing tricks on him when he saw flowers all over where Clear's face should be. After much more blinking, he was right in thinking his eyes were playing tricks. Then it took him a few more moments to process what Clear had said before.

"Wait, so that song I heard just now… You were the one singing it?" Koujaku questioned in order to confirm what he had heard.

"Yes! Did Koujaku-san really think it's beautiful?" the silverette responded enthusiastically, his eyes sparkling with joy.

Koujaku thought that he should feel embarrassed when answering that question. Instead, he just smiled and ruffled Clear's hair, responding sincerely, "Would I lie about something true?"

He did not know how he ended up getting so familiar with Clear. It could be how Clear's personality was similar to Aoba's when the latter was younger or maybe it was because of how both of them were always very concerned with Aoba's well-being.

Clear laughed happily as Koujaku ruffled his hair until the taller man's hand suddenly came to a sudden halt.

"Koujaku-san?" Clear blinked confusedly at the hair-stylist.

"You're hair is quite messy Clear. I can tell even with your gas mask on."

The silverette had to flinch at the taller man's sudden change of tone.

"Would you- No… You must let me fix your hair."

Clear started to get panicky. It was not due to the fact that Koujaku wanted to fix his hair or anything like that. It was more because of _what_ he was afraid of showing.

At that very moment, Clear slapped Koujaku's hand away and scooted away from the other.

"No!"

Realising that Clear had shouted, he was about to apologise but the other had cut him off.

"I… I can't remove this mask!"

As strange as it was, once the silverette shouted those words, Koujaku could relate to him in a way.

Clear had a façade he desperately wanted to keep up, just like him. The gas mask somehow prevents whatever that was hidden to show. Maybe Clear was afraid that people might not like his face.

Koujaku inched closer to the other, placing his hand on his shoulder, causing Clear's head to jerk up in surprise. Koujaku stared straight into Clear. If he squinted, he could see the outline of Clear's eyes, showing that he was scared.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with your face, if you're that concerned," he stated, still giving Clear a hard stare.

Koujaku could see Clear's eyes widen in shock. He gave time for Clear to think first before voicing out anything else.

He could then see Clear's eyes close for a moment before reopening them. This time, a look mixed with uncertainty and determination was in his eyes.

"I… I'll remove my mask if Koujaku-san shows me his tattoos."

A chill ran down his spine. How had he known? Other than the ones shown on his chest, how did Clear know about his other tattoos? Why would Clear want to see the curse that was engraved onto his body?

"H-How…?" he barely managed to stutter out.

"I saw a glimpse of it when we were fighting Morphine," Clear responded, noticing how Koujaku suddenly seemed insecure.

Clear could tell that the both of them were very insecure about what they hid from others. He had never removed his mask since his grandfather asked him to wear it. Koujaku probably hid his tattoos because it was not something he was proud of. However, he at least knew what his tattoos looked like but Clear was clueless about the way his face appeared.

He could understand Koujaku's hesitance but maybe there was a reason for him wanting to see Koujaku's tattoos while he removed his mask. Perhaps he was afraid that the taller male might not be his friend anymore if he saw his face. If he saw Koujaku's tattoos and used it against him just so he would still be his friend, that would be blackmail, would it not? Clear refused to even pursue that thought anymore.

Or rather than being selfish, could it be that he wanted to know if Koujaku trusted him enough?

"Please Koujaku-san. I won't hate you once I see your tattoos," Clear assured, his eyes and voice sincere.

Koujaku's hands were trembling. Clear asked if he was alright as he felt the tremor on his shoulder. The hair-stylist was definitely hesitant. He felt strange. Why was he hesitant? He had shown his back to women he took to bed before, had he not? Why was he thinking twice about it now? Maybe it was because Clear was also revealing his insecurities.

Koujaku let out a breath he had not realised he was holding.

"Alright," he responded, causing Clear to smile, judging by how the gas mask lifted up a bit. "But let me remove your mask, and then you can reveal my tattoo for me."

What he said caused Clear's eyes to widen again. Did he trust Clear enough to let him touch something he was not proud of? The silverette felt strangely happy, tempted to tackle the other man into a hug until he remembered their current situation.

Clear just nodded, allowing Koujaku to undo the straps for his mask while still keeping it over his face. The silverette placed his hand on the other's right cheek, noting how he flinched at the touch. Maybe it was a bad idea to do this but since they were already at it, there was no point in stopping.

They stayed still for awhile and Clear was worried that Koujaku was so afraid that he did not want to continue. Just to be sure, he asked if the taller male was okay, to which he just nodded in response.

Sighing once again to try to calm himself, Koujaku said, "I'm going to remove it now."

As Koujaku slowly lowered his mask with shaky hands, Clear combed his hand through Koujaku's fringe, pushing it back as slowly as the other. Koujaku could now see pink irises and Clear was able to see some of the black marking. Slowly, they let their insecurities show, dropping their facades. As time passed, the tension grew heavier.

Clear's face was now visible and the tattoos on Koujaku's was no longer covered. The taller male had his eyes closed tightly, afraid to see how the silverette reacted.

"Koujaku-san…" Clear called out softly, caressing said person's cheek to assure that everything was alright.

Hearing Clear call out his name, Koujaku slowly opened his eyes.

To say he was surprised was an understatement. He would not be lying if he were to say that Clear was definitely much more beautiful than any ladies he had ever encountered. How could Clear be so insecure about something so incredibly beautiful? The only imperfections were the two moles below his mouth but they seemed to make Clear's face even more beautiful. His face was perfect in every way. Koujaku's breath was caught in his throat, rendered speechless by Clear's face. However, Clear mistook his surprise as something negative and looked away, his eyes downcast.

"I knew it… It really does look horrible…" Clear muttered, sobs almost escaping him.

Hearing that made Koujaku react by saying something he had not intended to voice. "It's so beautiful that I didn't know what to say."

Clear brought his head back up to look at him, surprised. Koujaku then realised what he had just said and his cheeks were dusted with a tint of pink. However, he just pushed his embarrassment aside in order to assure Clear that his face was nothing to be ashamed off.

"You're face is just as beautiful as your song Clear," Koujaku assured, making sure not to stutter to show how sincere he was.

He could suddenly see Clear's eyes light up in delight.

"My face is just like everyone else Koujaku-san?" he asked, being filled with so much happiness that tears started to form in his eyes.

"Yes Clear, you're face is perfectly human."

A tear spilled from Clear's eye. Koujaku was about to wipe it away until Clear suddenly launched himself onto him. His back made contact with the floor once again as Clear hugged him around his waist, burying his face into his chest. The hair-stylist could feel tears on his chest but he did not mind.

However, when Clear stopped crying and reached his hand up to touch the tattoos on Koujaku's test, the latter flinched.

"Getting these must be very painful," Clear stated, head still buried in Koujaku's chest as he traced out the tattoos.

Koujaku was tempted to let it all spill out at that moment; to tell Clear that he had to go through hell before returning to Midorijimma. However, Clear was amazing when all he said were two sentences to make Koujaku rethink his life.

"Even though you went through something horrible, these tattoos proved that you survived it and managed to live. So… I think anyone should be grateful for living through any kind of horrible event," Clear told him, bringing his head up to look Koujaku in the eye.

Had he been ungrateful for his life by hunting down Ryuuhou just to have his revenge? For all he knew, the blond might be dead now. Had he ever considered that? He claimed that he wanted revenge but he doubted his mother would want him to waste his life on something as pitiful as revenge. People normally tell you to live your life to the fullest, do they not? There really was no point in living if your only drive to live was to kill someone. He also did not want to kill another person, be it whether that person was good or bad. He was not a murderer and he could prove that by not giving in.

Koujaku smiled up at the ceiling and patted Clear's head, feeling the silver locks run through his fingers.

"You don't know how much those words changed my life Clear," he whispered so softly that even he could not hear his own voice but Clear, nevertheless, heard him.

"Is that a good thing?" Clear asked, tilting his head in wonder.

"Very."

Maybe this was a second chance for Koujaku. Maybe it was time to really move on from Aoba and embrace what he has now. Who knows, he might end up falling for Clear somewhere along the way. Clear was definitely not someone to replace Aoba because they are both who they are. They are both very similar yet different all at the same time. Clear was different because he was someone he managed to find comfort in. He was just as insecure as him and it made Koujaku's heart bubble with joy to know that he was not alone.

Yeah… Their insecurities gave them another chance.

* * *

_I feel like Koujaku and Clear were very similar, thus this fic was created.  
_

_P.S. When I saw the picture with Koujaku and Clear as a pairing, this idea immediately came to me. However, I did not look at the picture properly and it was only now until I realised that this fic could even be based off of the picture. Well... What a convenient accident... ^^"_

___Like it? Love it? Hate it? Just review your opinions! However, it would be nice if you criticize my work without being harsh._

_Thank you for reading!~_


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